When I told people I was moving to England to teach I often had people ask me “why not go to Japan/China/Korea/[Insert country here]?” The truth was (1) I had dreamed of living and working in England since I was eleven years old and (2) I liked the idea of minimal culture shock. I wanted to be able to communicate easily with others in my new country, I wanted to be able to order off a menu and know what I was eating (for those of you who know me well, swap the order, I was thinking of my stomach first if we’re honest), and I wanted to have easy access to as much history as was humanly possible (Oh! hello there, Europe! I haven’t seen much of you but I am coming!). Thus, England was my perfect teaching abroad fit.
Prior to embarking on this adventure I was inundated with blog posts, Pinterest links, and Buzzfeed articles outlining typical British-isms to look out for. Sadly, many of these articles referred to the same 20 or so items (i.e. they drive on the other side of the road, British people never say what they mean, and you must love tea… always). This has just not been sufficient enough for my liking and, thus, I will be writing a few posts about certain oddities that have made me (or continue to make me) scratch my head in wonderment.
So now, the first post, but surely not the last, of things that I find slightly irksome about the UK!
(1) Sinks with two faucets – this is a big one that most North American’s notice as soon as they arrive and thus most people know about prior to alighting from the plane. Regardless, it is no less irksome. There is a faucet each for SCALDING HOT WATER OF DEATH and FREEZING COLD ICEWATER OF DEATH. There is no happy medium. Even when you have one faucet, the water comes out of two distinctly different parts of the tap (for my kitchen faucet the center is where hot water comes from and the outer ring is cold water)
(1. B) Bathroom Plumbing – At first when I went into public toilets and noticed a lovely shelf behind the toilet bowl I thought “how thoughtful!” I have since learned that these are not “shelves” but rather they ‘re where the toilet tanks are… and I have been informed that, in some cases, you must tear out an entire wall to fix any issues with the tank… not well thought out England…
(1.C) Bathroom Electrical, or lack thereof – There are no electrical outlets in bathrooms over here. This shouldn’t be such an issue unless you want to blow-dry your hair or use an electric toothbrush (I think they are battery powered over here, I haven’t bought one yet to find out though).
(2) Carpets in Bathrooms – yes, this is a thing, also no curtain rods… which leads to a great deal of water ending up on the floor during shower time. So, basically this is the best breeding ground for mould and bacteria (fortunately my washroom didn’t have carpet, one win).
(3) No Proper door handles – you know that round door handle in Alice in Wonderland, the one that is asleep and she wakes it up? Well those are ACTUALLY what door handles look like on many British doors. They are a round handle. What is their function? You might ask, well I am here to tell you that you unlock the door with your key then push on the door to open, to close the door you drag it closed by the round handle. Very few front doors in the UK have twist handles like we have back home, your key is the only twistable thing on the door… it might seem silly but it’s quite annoying and makes it far more likely that you will lock yourself out of a house.
(3.B) Pull handles on both sides of doors – When I was in university, the psychology building (Humphrey Hall) had really stupid doors with pull handles on both sides of the door so you nearly always ended up pulling when you should’ve been pushing. In London, most doors are like those of Humphrey Hall … which leads to me looking like a complete idiot trying to pull a door that CLEARLY (not so clearly) needs to be pushed.
(4) No Freaking Stop Signs/ Free-for-All on Pedestrians – You may know that you should only cross at “Zebra” (pronounced “Zeh-Bra”) crossings when in London. I would like to let everyone know that crossing even the calmest of side streets requires pluck and skill. There are no stop signs in this dang country. When you are walking down the street and you come to an intersection, there are no pedestrian walkways and the cars need only to yield, not stop! I am shocked that I haven’t been killed yet whilst crossing the road because people give precisely zero cares about pedestrians. I thought that roundabouts were just a weird quirk but it turns out that, no, this is their answer to stop signs and I. Don’t. Like. It.
(6) Self-Checkouts—this, my dears, is a double edged sword. YAY! I can, in theory, get in and out of the shop more quickly. In practice, the bagging area scale is temperamental, you are required to call over an employee to check your I.D. when purchasing alcohol, and the checkout machine get’s really rude when you don’t remove your shop in what it deems to be a “timely manner”. The whole process is just way too stressful and sometimes it’s just really lovely to have human to human interaction, or maybe that’s just me.
(7) Only playing half a song on the radio – I bought a clock radio about three weeks before heading home for the Christmas holidays. It is fabulous as I can now listen to music without having to turn my whole computer on. Fortunately I find it far easier to get up in the morning now! However, It wasn’t until I went home at Christmas that I realized that radio stations in the UK RARELY play a song all the way through. Instead they play only about half or 2/3 of the song. I thought North Americans were supposed to be the ones with focus and attentional issues. Music fail, England.
(8) UK money – For the most part, I don’t dislike the money over here, sure it’s way different than back home and I still get confused sometimes (“and here’s a quarter… oh, wait, nope that’s 10p”) but overall I am adjusting. I do feel the need to mention the 2 pence coin. Why do you need a two pence coin… you have 1p, you have 5p, There is NO NEED for a 2p coin other than to add weight to your wallet (its TWICE as big as a 1p coin). I also don’t like that there are no 25p only 20 and 50 …. How do you teach 4 quarters equals a dollar? Answer: you don’t. Ruining maths teaching EVERYWHERE!
(9) Washing Machine Placement and lack of Dryers – Again, I have been fortunate enough to have had the washing machine in my flat placed in a cupboard in the hall. Unfortunately it is mould riddled due to the former tenants not taking care of it. Most flats in the UK have their washing machines rather strategically placed in the kitchen, because who doesn’t want their dirty knickers where they prep their food? My issue with washing machines over here is that few places are equipped with dryers, and even if you have a “dryer” it’s really just a two-in-one washer and dryer. The issue with these is that the drying function does NOT work. I am currently attempting to dry my bed sheets. I will have to hang them up to finish drying. Due to the ridiculously damp nature of this country it takes at least two days for things to dry, and even then they still tend to be somewhat damp and thus prone to smelling a little off. In October I had a week of pretty difficult times and I remember that the tipping point was that ALL of my clothing smelled mouldy. I cried. I cried because I smelled of mould and would never feel clean again. Thank you Britain.
(10) Uneven Sidewalks — This does not only pertain to cobblestone streets and walkways, those make sense and are old worldly and whimsical. I can appreciate the old world charm of uneven cobblestones. What I cannot understand is why ALL sidewalks are made up of 1’x1’ concrete squares… they never stay in place and ended up poking up at odd angles. I have yet to meet someone who can navigate the sidewalks (known as “pavement” over here) without nearly wiping out at least once a week. Infrastructure in general is not all that great over here….
(11) Itty Bitty Refrigerators – again, I was fortunate in my first flat to have a “full sized” (still small by North American standards but huge over here) fridge/freezer combination. Many flats and homes have what we would consider bar fridge sized refrigerators and freezers. This means smaller, more frequent shops, not having space for freezables, e.t.c.. I suppose I now understand why eggs don’t make the fridge cut.
Honourable Mentions:
on/off switches for outlets – these are supposedly great for conserving energy but are also a pain in the neck if you forget to turn on the outlet where you are charging your phone or if you inadvertently turn off the outlet that your fridge is plugged into.
Eggs are not refrigerated – if you go to the shop looking for eggs, steer clear of the refrigerated section because you won’t be finding your shelled friends there. Rather, they are usually found on the shelves in the baking aisle…
Long Life Milk – Although the name is very self-explanatory (in theory) I still cannot wrap my head around this concept. Long Life milk is not refrigerated in the shops… therefore it cannot possibly be real milk… can it?
Paying for a T.V. License – in order to have a T.V. in your home you must pay for a license… don’t even get me started on the cost of electronics, they are the same price as in Canada … only with a pound sign instead of a dollar sign (so TWICE as expensive) I miss my T.V. shows.
If you have something to add to this list please post below or send me a facebook message/email/carrier pigeon and I will fit it into part two!
falling asleep midsentence 